Gaslighting at work is a sneaky, under-the-radar kind of manipulation that can mess with your head big time, affecting everything from your self-confidence to how well you perform on the job.
Throughout my career, particularly in the earlier stages, I encountered gaslighting multiple times without the knowledge or confidence to identify, name, and confront it. Its potency lies in its ability to make the victim question their own perceptions and reality, often without even realizing it's happening.
Ever heard the one about the frog in the pot? The water heats up so slowly that the poor frog doesn’t realize it’s in hot water until it’s too late. That's gaslighting in a nutshell. It creeps up on you so stealthily that by the time you catch on, you're already knee-deep in self-doubt and confusion.
This hit home last week when chatting with one of my coachees. She shared some stuff going down at work, and my internal "gaslight alert" went off. When I brought up the concept of gaslighting, she drew a blank—had no clue what I was talking about. That was my lightbulb moment: we need to talk about this more. Spread the word, raise some awareness, and hopefully save a few people from getting metaphorically boiled alive.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting at work occurs when someone, often a person in a position of power, manipulates a colleague in such a way that the victim starts doubting their own reality, memories, or perceptions. It's a tactic that can be used to gain power, control, or dismiss concerns and criticisms without addressing them legitimately.
Examples of Gaslighting at Work
Denying Statements or Actions: A manager insists they never said something, even when the employee has evidence to the contrary.
Trivializing Feelings: Telling an employee they're overreacting or too sensitive in response to valid concerns.
Withholding Information: Deliberately keeping an employee out of the loop, then questioning their competence or dedication.
Twisting Facts: Misrepresenting an employee's words or actions to favor the manipulator's narrative.
Here are a few of the many tales from the trenches of gaslighting, as shared by my coachees (with names changed for privacy purposes):
Suzy decided to bring one of her team members to a meeting with her boss, thinking it'd be a great chance for her report to get a glimpse into the project she'd soon be a part of. Plus, it was a solid opportunity to boost transparency and motivation through inclusivity. However, Suzy's manager wasn't having any of it, dismissing the idea as unnecessary and not at all the norm around here. "What were you thinking?" she quipped, leaving Suzy second-guessing her decision.
Bob tried to get in on a joke among colleagues but found himself on the outside looking in, lacking the context to get the punchline. When he asked for the scoop, they brushed him off, attributing his confusion to being a non-native speaker and suggesting he shouldn't sweat it, then moved on with their insider banter. Bob excused himself, citing work, but really, he just felt excluded.
Helen approached her manager about a colleague who had raised their voice at her, only to be met with a dismissive "Oh, don't be so sensitive now." It felt like her feelings were being belittled rather than addressed.
Jimmy, part of a team that included a close-knit group of a married couple and their best friends, was singled out by his manager, who relayed concerns from "the gang" about Jimmy seeming sad. Despite Jimmy being a top performer, the manager implied his supposed sadness might hinder his work, even suggesting he might need time off. Jimmy couldn't help feeling targeted.
Tina broached the subject of taking a couple of days off for training, as per company policy, only to be met with disbelief from her career advisor. "Well, there's a whole process for that, and nobody really takes training days. I'm not sure why you thought it was okay to just take time off like that in a professional environment," the advisor remarked, visibly shocked. Embarrassed but confident she was right, Tina double-checked with HR, confirmed her eligibility, and clarified this with her career advisor, who then downplayed the whole scenario: "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"
Impact on Employees:
Gaslighting at work significantly harms psychological safety, leading to various negative outcomes for employees. Here is what gaslighting might result in:
Decreased Job Satisfaction
Heightened Stress and Anxiety
Reduced Productivity
Physical Health Problems
Erosion of Trust Within Teams
Development of a Toxic Work Culture
Increased Turnover
Impairment of Professional Growth
Diminished Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
Increased Feelings of Isolation
Heightened Fear of Making Mistakes
Impaired Decision-Making and Cognitive Function
Combating Gaslighting - what employers can do
1. Foster Open Communication: Cultivate an environment where employees feel safe to express concerns and ask questions without fear of retaliation or dismissal.
2. Promote Awareness: Training programs that highlight what gaslighting looks like can empower employees to recognize and address it.
3. Implement Reporting Mechanisms: Ensure there are confidential and accessible ways for employees to report manipulative behaviors.
4. Supportive Leadership: Leaders should model respectful behavior and address any instances of gaslighting promptly and effectively.
5. Seek External Support: Encourage employees to seek support from HR, a trusted mentor, or a professional coach to navigate through gaslighting situations.
Conclusion
Stopping gaslighting early and creating a workplace free from manipulation requires clear focus, widespread education, and a strong emphasis on respect and transparent communication. Leaders and all team members must become adept at identifying and addressing gaslighting to ensure that everyone feels valued, respected, and heard. By fostering an environment of honesty and support, we can transform our workplace into a space where manipulation has no place, and every individual is committed to maintaining an open, respectful, and supportive atmosphere. So here is my ask for you:
Spot gaslighting? Speak up.
Hear whispers of it? Call it out loud and clear!
And if you are not sure if you're being gaslit, speak to someone! Don't go it alone!
#StopWorkplaceGaslighting #EmpowermentAtWork #LeadershipDevelopment #CareerEmpowerment #WorkplaceWellbeing
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Hi! I'm Merve. 👋 I help corporate leaders and business owners build high-performing teams, grow their businesses, and advance their careers.
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