"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious"
- Albert Einstein
My daughter woke up from a nightmare the other night and called me over. When I asked what had scared her, she said “Mommy, I had a bad dream. I was at school but I could no longer learn. It was terrifying” After comforting her back to sleep, I went back to bed myself but stayed awake thinking about the monster that is the “inability to learn”. What is so terrifying about not being able to learn new information for a child? Would an adult have a similar reaction to such a dream?
My daughter is 5 and just started primary school. Every day I observe the pure thirst for knowledge in her eyes and her behavior. From practicing cartwheels in every opportunity she gets to get better at them each time, to teaching us the Irish words she learned at school that day, she is continuously seeking, readily sucking up, and repetitively practicing new knowledge - at a rate that cannot go unnoticed. Same is true for my baby son - since he started crawling, a whole new world of thrills has opened up for him. And he is not shy to make his mark in it! We are born with this innate sense of curiosity, a desire to learn, to understand, to experience, to take risks. But at some point something changes. So when and why do we let our innate curiosity dwindle?
A case for George, Melahat and the Cat:
Curious George, a bestseller for generations, teaches kids that it is a good thing to be curious. It's rewarding --- and you might even have some adventures along the journey, meet new people, and bring them joy. While the ending of the stories bring home the message “curiosity is a good human trait”, it’s also true that George gets himself into messy situations along the way, that people get frustrated with him, and things may seem chaotic and out of control there for a while. The point is of course that the chaos is worth it and that it's part of the process - a wonderful and worthwhile one of learning and flowing!
I grew up watching the Turkish TV series, "Perihan Abla" where Curious Melahat is a one of the main characters. Melahat is a middle-aged woman who hangs down from her window talking to everyone in the neighborhood, asking about what they are up to and volunteering information about people’s lives to each other in the community. She is portrayed as nosy, mostly annoying and laughable, however she also is personable, friendly, encourages people to talk and rant, to share their joy and grievances - she is a listener, a connector, and as such, an integral part of the community.
Just like in the phrase “Curiosity killed the cat… (and the less well-known continuation) “...but satisfaction brought it back”, initially you might be causing trouble for yourself and others, you might come across as annoying, but eventually curiosity trigggers connection, knowledge, flow, satisfaction, and sharing.
At some point perhaps during adolescence, a level of fear and anxiety (that kids don't have!) kicks in that wipes away our innate curiosity. Unfortunate social pressure seen in some environments where kids are discouraged to ask "Why?" at home and/or at school, and instead instilled a fear of taking risks, leading to potential results such as embarrassment, failure, danger, hurt weakens our curiosity muscle. We, then, become adults who are captivated by fear, anxiety, and avoidance.
Ironically though according to research, it turns out curiosity is the antidote to anxiety - a condition a lot of people suffer from these days. According to researcher Todd Kashdan, curiosity activates the reward centers of the brain that light up when we learn something new or accomplish a goal, eliciting a dopamine boost—the "feel-good" neurotransmitter that unleashes feelings of pleasure and joy. Having a "growth mindset," therefore, instead of a "fixed mindset" can actually reduce feelings of depression and anxiety by increasing the dopamine in the brain.
The 5 Types of Curiosity (5DC)
In their study, researchers Todd Kashdan, David Disabato, and Fallon Goodman and Carl Naughton conceptualized and created a five-dimensional scale (5DC) to model and measure the components of curiosity, namely:
Deprivational sensitivity: A realization of the gap between what people know and what they want to know followed by the strong desire to alleviate this thirst of knowledge. (Curious George is a good example here)
Joyous exploration: An enthrallment by and interest in the world around a person, most obvious in babies and children.
Social curiosity: The captivation by what others are thinking and doing through listening, questioning and observation. (Curious Melahat is a good example here)
Stress tolerance: The willingness to accept and even harness the anxiety associated with novelty and the potential to leverage it for effective action. This is usually what organizations refer to when they advertise, “ability to thrive in ambiguity / under pressure” as part of a job description.
Thrill seeking: An excitement to embrace physical, emotional, social, and financial risks to acquire different, unique, complex, and intense experiences. This is characterized by a high tolerance for discomfort, a buzz achieved by “stepping out of the comfort zone”
SO WHAT can we do to flex our curiosity muscle?
The power of questions and the silence in between:
"The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between"
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Many years ago, when I took my first coaching course, the instructor challenged us to indulge in some helpful A/B testing with our reportees. Here is what I did to partake in this scary task:
In some of my 1:1s, when my reports brought to my attention areas they were having difficulty resolving, I went into problem-solving and advising mode (which comes natural to me so no issues there!). I told them some version of, “Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I got your back. You did the right thing, because I know exactly what to do here thanks to having been there myself many times, my expertise, my intellect. That’s why I am your leader after all! Here is what you do: A-B-C” To the other group, I (very self-consciously) said, “Hmm, that's a tough one. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. Let’s think through it. What seems to be going on here?..." followed by some other open questions, such as, "What goals are you trying to achieve?" "What are some blockers?" "What options do you have?" "What actions can you take?" etc, encouraging them to do the critical thinking, the brainstorming, the problem-solving, the exploration themselves --- putting the ball in their court. Needless to say, the conversations with the first group lasted about 10 mins, because I gave them the answer - I thought - they were so desperate to hear, and off they went! The conversations with the second group lasted slightly longer, there were more pauses, more back and forths, potentially more "I don’t know"’s, and sometimes even follow-up sessions. I was really starting to dread our coaching instructor initially. I felt like I was failing my reports, leaving them in the dark. My urge was to handhold them immediately and even help them do the task at hand, volunteer my time, my experience, my skillset. I also was worried my reports would resent me and lose respect for me because it seemed I did not know the answers and perhaps even that I did not want to help them. Why could I just not share my opinion and tell them what to do, or even do it for them?
Contrary to my gut instincts, however, at the end of our time together, the first group said a polite "thank you for your guidance", came back having done the actions I recommended, or transfering some of the actions to me (because I volunteered) and achieving some level of success but nothing out of this world. The second group, on the other hand, gave me unexpected praise and gratitude at the end of our time together, told me how helpful I was (Even though I was sitting there uncomfortably thinking, "wow I’m letting this person grope in the dark and certainly not helping!". Their actions that followed up might have taken slightly longer but led to much bigger achievements, innovations, along with much-desired enthusiasm and motivation which was contagious among the team. The fact that I trusted them to problem-solve, was curious myself and encouraged them to be curious, to explore without a rush (through leaning into the uncomfortable silence, letting their minds wonder), to think through alternatives made them see the width and depth of the many possibilities, get excited and motivated about trying alternatives, innovating and arguably most important of all, gave them the confidence to strategize, to execute, to solve complex business challenges, and to take ownership of their actions and successes. The experience also had a domino effect. Because the individuals had solved the problems and innovated themselves, they also were able to learn throughout the process, not having to rely on me next time a similar challenge presented itself.
Lesson learned for me - Be curious: Listen more, say less!
The Stretch Zone (where Learning happens!)
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s, there are few.” Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind
Sadly, as people climb the organizational ladder, they might feel they are expected to already know what they need to know. They may fear admitting to not knowing something or having to ramp up on a product / service / strategy etc., and critically, to learn from everyone including their own reports. This, in turn, may cause stress, inefficiencies, loss of trust in leadership, along with untapped productivity, and innovation potential.
Insecurity, imposter syndrome, fear of being judged, fear of being underrated, reluctance to give up control are some of the many reasons why leaders naturally gravitate towards jumping to answers (as opposed to taking their time with questions). It’s hard to overcome the fear associated with asking open questions to not get the answers you are convinced are the right ones, to hear honest answers that might make you feel uncomfortable or that might feel like your authority is being challenged. It's against traditionally accepted norms to poke the unknown and sit in the dark with your employees. Once you build up the courage to go to that non-chalant, childlike, natural zone of curiosity, the personal and peripheral rewards are exponential
however. Curiosity breeds curiosity. Hence, the leaders who can step out of that comfort zone and take themselves less seriously are the ones who build and nurture teams with high psychological safety and trust. By that same token, the teams who are encouraged to be curious and to step out of their comfort zone are the ones that most seamlessly confront and survive stressful, uncertain, and difficult times.
Do it - get out of your comfort zone and stretch into an abundance of experiences!
Embracing the Chaos:
“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized”
Terry Pratchett
Meg Wheatley writes in her book, Leadership and the New Science,“The things we fear most in organizations—fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances—are also the primary sources of creativity.” The mess and chaos, these so-called fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances, can be unsettling for many. I, myself, have a hard time keeping my cool when in the chaos state. It's important to remember, however, chaos does not equal randomness, and instead an inspiring self-organized order. Organized chaos precedes creativity. There is, of course, a fine line between organized chaos and a state of mess gone wild. If the chaos feels in control, then you are off to a path towards productive, creative results!
The more you poke around with outstanding questions and mess around with different paths and directions, the more you might frustrate some people. (Think back to Curious George) You might be getting the traditional “Are we there yet?” facial expressions or “that’s enough already” exasperations. But the best way to discover a city and to stumble into something you cherish is by getting lost in it first. Sure it might take longer, and guidebooks are helpful and structured tours are great, but the experiences and jewels you often remember and bring forward with you as life learnings are those you did not expect.
You might be thinking, “But who decides what the output will be and when to settle on an end result, if I let my team go in all sorts of different directions? When do we call it?” To be able to effectively answer this question, let’s turn to chaos theory (also known as complexity theory)
Chaos theory studies the nonlinear and dynamically changing processing of self-organizing systems in nature, such as the flocking of birds, the schooling of fish, the climate, as well as human-created every day systems such as the stock market, the road traffic, etc. In all of these systems, there is no specific order, changes are constant and spontaneous, and there is a beautiful interconnectedness, constant feedback loops, repetition, self-familiarity, fractals and self-organization. While these systems' chaotic behavior may appear random at first, chaotic systems are not without order or finite boundaries.
The more organized chaos a team finds itself in, the more self-empowered and resilient they will be which will lead to creativity, innovation and motivation. The trick is creating time and space for chaos, while also defining clear goals, a vision and mission for the team, to encourage a methodology to measure what is important and manage deadlines. Those are the responsibilities of the leader. During the innovation and learning process, the leader along with the accountable team members should check in on milestones, achievement against the goal and make manoeuvres, if necessary. Allowing for flexibility (of what is being experimented on and learned) is important in that it can inform the end results and adjusted goals. Once you channel your inner child, become curious while at the same time remaining results-oriented. Your team will follow suit and thrive!
Lead with curiosity - Embrace the creative tension triggered by organized chaos.
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Hi! I'm Merve. 👋 I help corporate leaders and business owners build high-performing teams, grow their businesses, and advance their careers.
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