Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.
–W. Churchill
Do you also notice that at the start of every year, there is an abundance of ambition and zeal in people all around the world? Gyms have the highest number of participants, restaurants are packed, grocery stores see a heightened interest for the healthy foods aisles, people put their hands up for and take on more projects at work, more books are purchased, less alcohol consumed as sober January kicks in, there are more sign-ups for language, dance, yoga, etc. classes. We start January with the best of intentions, lots of hype, and a list of commitments, often referred to as, "New Year’s resolutions". By March-April timeframe, however, most of these resolutions and “new habits” are distant memories. So why not try something more sustainable, more realistic, perhaps? What I suggest for this year is to step away from the hype and peer pressure to create a “new you”, and to continue on your chosen path instead.
CHANGE IS CONSTANT
You are not the same person every day. By virtue of creating pressure to create a new you in the new year, we are suggesting that you will be the same exact person every day with no changes for a whole year and then all of a sudden, when we turn the page to a new calendar year, you transform yourself so much so that we don’t really recognize you anymore. That makes no sense. The fact of the matter is, change is constant: If you live your life with a “growth mindset” and are curious, you will learn, discover, experience, and grow every day.
SHAKE OFF THE HATERS AND CULTIVATE YOUR GROWTH MINDSET
Instead of a laundry list of to-do items, subscriptions, and purchases, I suggest reflecting on what has served you and what hasn't served you this past year. Having taken time to reflect on your joy boosters and mood killers from the previous year, you might, then, look to eliminate and/or define boundaries around what is not serving you (shake off the haters too in the process!) and double down on what is working out for you (cultivate your growth mindset) in the New Year.
Here are some ways to cultivate a growth mindset:
1. Adore the Challenges: I love a good challenge. As cliche as it sounds, every challenge is an opportunity: Opportunity to learn, opportunity to experience, opportunity to define your boundaries, your likes and dislikes, to stretch yourself and your brain too! (Read more on brain plasticity here) If an opportunity you come across makes you feel nervous, you are on to a good start. Sign up for it, you’ll figure out the details later!
2. Say “Yes”: Yet another simple strategy. I have a close friend who comes up with at least 5 reasons why she shouldn’t do something, pretty much whenever she is proposed something (no matter how simple it might be e.g. "let’s go out for a drink tonight"): The reasons may be: "I have kids", "I need to wake up early tomorrow", "there might be traffic", "I am so tired", "I might need to work late", etc. Sound familiar? Obviously these are all good reasons to turn down the proposal, but let’s zoom into the attitude here. As opposed to thinking, “Hmm, I’d like to try that, how can we make this work?”, jumping to “that would never work, and here is why…” can be self-limiting. It might also make people around you tired and demotivated, and they might stop bringing proposals to you. Say “Yes” more frequently at work and in your personal life to experience, grow, and to be present for if and when opportunities present themselves.
3. Choose your Words Carefully: If I had a penny for every time I heard some of my (mostly) early-career coachees and reportees tell me they can’t do a certain thing, I would be rich! Words matter. The stories we build around our fears and tell ourselves matter. Instead of “I can’t” (fixed mindset), try “I am still learning”, “I’ll keep trying”, “I’ll continue to practice” (growth mindset).
4. Stop Seeking Approval: This one is a hard one for me, as I highly value reinforcement and recognition. I have found, however, that when I have my own sense of purpose, an innate reason for why I am doing a certain activity, working on a certain project, choosing to spend my time in a certain way, I don’t need or require approval. It can even be a distraction at times. While I still appreciate recognition (and my advice is certainly not to eliminate it or close your ears and run away, if someone is offering it), optimizing for somebody else’s blessing or endorsement might make you reliant and your success dependant on that somebody else. Not requiring approval can be liberating, therefore, and keep you focused on experimentation and development.
5. Celebrate Your Failures: A great ritual I learned from one of my old managers at Google is to have a 10 minute slot for “Failures” in every All Hands meeting (often held monthly). Every time someone else would submit a story of an attempt, an experiment that did not necessarily work out for them and would present their story and learnings. The culture of discussing and celebrating failure made everyone feel empowered to take risks, to learn from mistakes, and build on learnings to innovate and discover new things.
6. Celebrate Others’ Success: A culture of celebrating each other is one of the things that makes teams work well together. If friends, colleagues, family feel they are surrounded by people who are rooting for them and will be happy for them when they achieve their goals, they will feel a sense of security and psychological safety, building blocks of team and individual success. Plus, success is contagious, if others around you are successful and everyone is cheering for them, it will also rub off on you - you will learn from them, build on their success, be inspired by them.
7. Slow Down to Speed Up: Sometimes we need to slow down to get to the end goal faster, or by the same token, do less in the moment to be able to achieve more in the end. Think about one of the most typical New Year’s resolutions: getting a new workout routine, usually whatever is the most buzzed, the hottest thing at that moment - say a spin class.. I see people get gym memberships and set themselves a goal of going to the gym every day for an hour when in the previous year they never went to the gym. So then after a few weeks, they are burnt out and there goes the membership! What would be more sustainable is to say “Yes” to your friend who asks you to take you to their favorite workout class. Go once, see if you like it. If you do, maybe go back the following week, then turn it into a weekly routine. Once you are more practiced, you might increase the frequency. Have it be a natural progression as you build things up. Slow down, take it one step at a time, do less so you will have done more.
8. Embrace Feedback and Ask for Feedforward: Here comes another cliche - “Feedback is a gift”. OK not all feedback is a gift especially if the person giving the feedback is not someone whose opinion you trust. Sometimes unsolicited feedback can also leave a bad taste in one’s mouth. What I do think rings true though is to have your ears open. Say you gave a presentation, or are selling a product or a service, talk to your audience, listen to your customers, to those who are using your product or consuming your content. What they spot you might not have spotted yourself. What they experience from the receiving end, will not be what you experience from the giving end. So do listen and use the feedback as an opportunity to learn, grow, make changes and adjust. Also ask for feedforward - as opposed to only talking about what did or did not work out in the past, also talk about what can or will work out in the future. Being future focused - which is what giving feedforward aims to do, will allow you to keep the growth journey active.
9. Enjoy the Ride: It’s important you are enjoying the process - the metaphorical ride - instead of only being focused on the results - the destination. For beginners, it is a lot more fun. Think about the trips you’ve taken. I’ve had a lot more fun, learned a lot more and accumulated a lot more experiences when I actually enjoyed the journey to get there, even though it was also great, of course, once I did get there. The trips I’ve taken with grumpy people or when I’ve been grumpy myself have been long, painful and there was almost always something that happened that I had to recover from, once I did reach my end destination - my end goal. See value in the journey. When you are fixated on the results only, you miss out on valuable learning moments that come with the struggle, the hustle, the process.
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