With my birthday just around the corner, I’ve been planning a getaway to Lisbon, one of my favorite cities, with a few close friends. Recently, while chatting about this trip, a friend confessed that he actually dreads his birthdays. “I hate the feeling when people don’t show up or don’t call,” he said. “It feels like rejection, and I can’t stand it.”
I totally get it. Rejection stings—whether it's someone not making it to your birthday party or missing out on a big opportunity. I observe this with my daughter and her friends all the time. Kids are acutely aware of who’s included and who’s left out, and the feeling of not being picked or invited can be incredibly hurtful.
But it’s not just something we face as kids; that fear of rejection follows us into adulthood. It taps into that primal need we all have for belonging and acceptance. Neuroscience research from the University of Michigan shows that social rejection activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain. In fact, studies suggest that the brain responds to rejection with the same intensity as a physical injury; that’s why a simple “no” can feel like a punch in the gut (Eisenberger et al., 2003).
Rejection isn't something we just grow out of. It follows us into adulthood, into our careers, and into our personal lives. A survey by LinkedIn found that 51% of professionals fear rejection when applying for jobs or promotions. Another study by Harvard Business Review found that 68% of employees avoid taking risks at work due to fear of rejection (HBR, 2021). And while it’s totally normal to feel that sting, how we choose to respond to rejection can make all the difference in our growth—both personally and professionally.
Two Common (and Dysfunctional) Responses to Rejection
Entitlement: Some people respond to rejection with entitlement, believing they deserve certain benefits regardless of the circumstances. This attitude often leads to resistance to change and difficulty adapting. I recently worked with a company that downsized its office space, asking staff to share rooms and resources. Some employees refused to accept the change, feeling their needs were special and that the new arrangement was a rejection of their importance.
Resignation: On the flip side, some avoid any situation where rejection is a possibility. They stay silent in meetings, keep their heads down, and avoid new challenges to protect themselves from potential disappointment. It may feel comfortable, but it limits their contributions and stunts their growth.
Why Leaders Should Lean Into Rejection
So, what’s the alternative? According to Harvard Business Review, successful leaders encourage a culture where rejection is a normal part of the growth process. They create environments where team members feel safe sharing ideas, even if those ideas might not make the cut. Because when you allow space for rejection, you also create space for innovation, creativity, and unexpected breakthroughs.
Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace Report found that teams with a culture that tolerates failure are 50% more likely to achieve higher levels of innovation and engagement. So, if we embrace rejection, we open ourselves up to opportunities we might have missed by playing it safe.
Rejection as a Catalyst for Success
Look at the stories behind some of the most successful people and companies, and you’ll see a trail of rejections:
Airbnb was turned down by investors over 20 times, deemed “uninvestable” by most. Today, it’s valued at over $75 billion.
J.K. Rowling faced 12 rejections before a small publisher took a chance on Harry Potter.
Steve Jobs was fired from Apple—the company he co-founded—only to return years later and transform it into one of the world’s most valuable companies.
These stories illustrate how rejection can push you to innovate, adapt, and grow. They further show that rejection isn’t a door closing but rather a pivot point to something even better.
Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone
Being okay with rejection doesn’t mean you’re numb to its sting; it means you’re willing to put yourself out there, knowing the sting might come. It’s about embracing the discomfort because you understand that it’s where real growth happens.
Here are a few ways to step out of your comfort zone and build resilience to rejection:
Ask for that Promotion or Raise: Yes, it’s intimidating, but what’s the worst that could happen?
Propose a Bold New Idea: Sure, it might be shot down, but it could also be a game-changer.
Organize a Social Event: Even if a few people don’t show up, those who do could make it unforgettable.
Apply for the Job You Think Is Out of Reach: What if they say yes?
Challenge the Status Quo in the Boardroom: Present a new strategic direction or question an existing process that seems untouchable. Sure, it might ruffle some feathers, but it could also open up a vital conversation that leads to real change.
Seek a Seat on a Board or Committee: Put yourself forward for leadership roles within or outside your organization, even if you think you're not the "obvious" candidate. It's an opportunity to stretch your influence and gain new perspectives.
Embracing Rejection as Feedback
Instead of seeing rejection as a verdict on your worth or abilities, think of it as valuable feedback or even a redirection. Consider what you can learn from each experience and how you might adjust your approach moving forward. Every rejection is an opportunity to refine your pitch, sharpen your skills, or rethink your strategy. Remember, avoiding rejection entirely means missing out on countless opportunities.
Moving Forward with Rejection
Rejection is part of the human experience—it’s uncomfortable, it’s often painful, but it’s also necessary as it offers fresh opportunities and perspective. It keeps us humble, pushes us to innovate, and teaches us to be adaptable. So, as I toast to my new age in Lisbon, I’m celebrating all the “no’s” that got me here—and to all the ones still to come.
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Hi! I'm Merve. 👋 I help corporate leaders and business owners build high trust, high performance teams, grow their business impact, and advance their careers.
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