I was reminded of an odd and funny experience from my college days, when I was standing in front of a what was meant to be a linear queue with 5 people cramming next to each other at a cash desk in an Istanbul bookstore right next to the "Respect Covid 19 guidelines and maintain your distance" sign. Many years ago, when I joined a "Study Abroad in Europe" info session at my American college, the French facilitator had just started setting up her icebreaker. She had gotten the participants up on their feet, paired them up and asked one to step on the other's feet. I was a few minutes late (courtesy of my Mediterranean upbringing!) and so I didn't have a partner. The facilitator kindly proposed that I partner with her, and before I knew it, she was stepping on my feet her face just a couple of inches away from mine. I was now in the spotlight since my partner was narrating and demonstrating as we were doing the exercise. She asked me “Merve, tell me. Is this weird?” to which I nodded, “Yes!” Good. The response she knew she was going to get. She said, “What's weird about it?” I answered, “Well, you are stepping on my feet”. Nah, not the answer she was thinking. She probed, “OK. What else?” I tried to search for the answer she clearly had in mind and tried my chance at a few options. "This is a simulation of some sort." "We came here to hear about study abroad options in Europe but here were are stepping on each other's feet." "I was late (which I feel bad about by the way, again so sorry!) and now I have to be in the spotlight." None of them worked. Having given up on me, she, then, asked the crowd who were almost all American and they were quick to state the “obvious” answer (and yes, in hindsight I should have known it too!): "The partners are right in each other”s face and they don't even know each other that well." Eureka! There was her answer. She cleverly used this demonstration to explain that personal space is mostly an American concept, in Europe where space is limited, where people are moving around together and in communities a lot more often (have it be in public transport, while walking, living in small apartments in shared buildings, cramming in cute little cafes and pubs, etc.) people share space, and so the concept of personal space is not as prominent. In the end, my “not-being-with-it”ness served a good purpose. The woman turned back to me and said, “Where are you from?” Being from Turkey, I had actually proven her point. As opposed to being weirded out by someone I don't know being so close to my face, I had focused on the strange fact that she was stepping on my feet as my number 1 concern. She concluded, “See, it didn't bother Merve, who comes from Turkish culture, very much - for the Americans in the room, the invasion of personal space was so disturbing and disorienting that the strange fact that the other person was stepping on their feet was a secondary concern."
I wrote about the difference in social systems and work culture in America versus Europe last week (you can read my blog post here) which sparked a conversation with one of my old friends about doing business across borders and successfully managing culture-diverse teams, and I decided to continue on the same thread and zoom in on a different angle this week. In this blog post, I share some of my observations from cultural interactions across borders, strategies I've used to embrace diversity and multicultural teams in the workplace as well as how I learned to get the most out of international business interactions.
In the US, when people say “How are you?” in passing (e.g. if you are passing each other in the hallway at work or on school campus as you are rushing to class) it simply means they acknowledge you. It is meant to be a greeting, or another way of saying, “Hello.” or “Good day”. People actually don't expect an answer or certainly nothing more than a simple “Good, thanks, you?”
So… How are you? really… Public Face, Private Face:
In Europe, people have a private face and a public face for the most part. (The Irish, in my experience, are an exception to this rule) The private face, friendly, expressive, emotion-ful, etc. is reserved for friends and family. The public face, which was described as the “graveyard face” by an American friend of mine when we lived in Austria (ouch!), is for the general public on the street. "If someone smiles at you on the street in Russia," a coachee of mine said in a session, "they are either harassing you, are about to steal from you or are needing to be admitted to a mental institution. If they talk to you, (say, they say "Hello" when you are passing) you immediately run away and call the police (or better yet, your body builder uncle!)" In the USA, however, everyone is smiling at and talking to each other. Nothing deep or profound but there is an overarching expectation of pleasantries. I realized that in the US, when people say “How are you?” in passing (e.g. if you are passing each other in the hallway at work or on school campus as you are rushing to class) it simply means they acknowledge you. It is meant to be a greeting, or another way of saying, “Hello.” or “Good day”. People actually don't expect an answer or certainly nothing more than a simple “Good, thanks, you?” Of course, depending on the overlap time (in the hallway etc.) correlated with the speed of walking, commuting, buying groceries, etc. the person asking the question may be long gone by the time you respond. In most of Europe, if you ask someone “How are you?” you want to hear how life is going for them, you are inquiring so you can listen and have a chat about what might be giving them joy and what is not working out for them. You are interested in hearing how the kids are doing, and how their health has been, etc. Now that's of course why they only ask "How are you?" when they want to hear the details of how the other person is. At the grocery store, in school cafeteria, at work, they mostly ignore people they don't know, or at best might say a quick "Hello" if they are about to interact and immediately move on to e.g. ordering the food, loading up the groceries, etc. People who prefer the graveyard public face and overly emotional private face feel that it is a sign of genuinity. They mean things when they say them. People who feel the public also deserves a bit of “love” and one doesn't have a finite supply of smiles and niceties in them so they might as well use them generously, feel that it's basically a matter of decency. Over the years, I've grown to like and appreciate both styles. I do like the American waiters' over-friendliness and often prefer it to the stereotypically French waiters' eye-rolling and uff-puffing when you call them over to place an order after 20 minutes of sitting and waiting for them to initiate an interaction. I do also appreciate the mostly European no-bs attitude where if someone tells you “you are very welcome at my house” or “let's get together some time”, they actually mean it and will most likely follow up and invite you over. And if they don't intend to, they won't be telling you they will call you. They will simply say "Good bye". Pretty straightforward.
In traditional Turkish culture, you reject offers by saying “No, thank you” out of politeness, then the offerer insists you to accept. At a host's house, even if you are starving, you reject food because otherwise it's rude and is seen as you making them serve you and inconvenience themselves in doing so. It is the host's responsibility, then, to make sure you don't leave their house hungry by insisting until you say “Ok well, you insisted so much that I now have to try”.
No means Yes, No or Maybe. Directness versus Interpretation:
I have found the wheel is spun backwards when it comes to saying “No”. I remember I was once invited to an American family's house for dinner when I was in college, and I was super excited that I get to eat home-cooked food for a change (our college dining halls served pretty good food to be fair but it was still no home-made food). I showed up to dinner right after my last class, not having eaten anything for a long time. I was starving. Dinner was still being prepared and needed to bake in the oven for at least half an hour. I didn't even know what enchiladas were at the time but whatever they were, they looked and smelled delicious. When the food was finally ready, we took our places at the table, and the hostess asked me first if I would like some and if yes, how many. I was startled by the question (and not being served without being asked) and I started saying things like “Oh I'm not that hungry”, “if there is enough, I might have one” etc. etc. expecting her to serve me a bunch of enchiladas until I begged her to stop. She said “oh ok, well great you might try one, they are my specialty” and she gave me one. The others who went after me were direct: “I'm starving”, “Oh my God, they look amazing, I'll have a few” “I haven't eaten anything all day, I have been waiting for this moment.” They were all served multiple enchiladas and helped themselves to more. Having said that I am not that hungry, not knowing how to ask for more, and not wanting to appear greedy by serving myself more (Even though the hostess had set the rest of the enchiladas in the dish in the middle of the table and they were indeed mouth-wateringly delicious) I left that dinner table hungry and bitter (about myself!) In traditional Turkish culture, you reject offers by saying “No, thank you” out of politeness, then the offerer insists you to accept. At a host's house, even if you are starving, you reject food because otherwise it's rude and is seen as you making them serve you and inconvenience themselves in doing so. It is the host's responsibility, then, to make sure you don't leave their house hungry by insisting until you say “Ok well, you insisted so much that I now have to try”. Similarly, it's rude to be direct about your preference (of food). If the host asks you whether you would like coffee or tea, for example, you don't say “I'll have coffee, thank you”. Instead, you say things like “Whatever is easiest” or “Whatever you are having” The host has to respond with something elaborate like, “Oh they are both easy, they are the easiest thing. I have coffee and tea flowing from every tap in the house. You tell me what you prefer.” Eventually, there is a decision after a good bit of ping ponging back and forth. In America, when you show up to someone”s house for dinner, they usually either haven't started or just recently started preparing the food and you help and chat until it's ready. Then, when it”s time to eat, the host asks what you would like and you tell them directly what and how much, and you are even encouraged to “help yourself”. Irish culture functions similar to the Turkish and Middle Eastern cultures in this way. In German culture, however, it's a blessing and an expectation that you are direct. These videos below about the Irish versus German hospitality explain it perfectly, especially if you are in for a bit of a laugh.
In Japanese culture, a direct “no” to a question is considered disrespectful. Japanese imply "no" by saying things like "let's see", "let's sit on it", "that could be tough". In the same vein, the Japanese can also be pretty open about the meaning of "Yes". A Canadian co-worker of mine once told me a story where he was talking to a Japanese colleague about how the company party will be fun and asked if she was going. She said, "Yes, it will be great fun." He assumed that she was going because she had said "Yes". When she didn't show up, he realized she was agreeing with him that the party will most likely be fun, even though she was not going to go. She focused on the part she was in agreement with him on with a "Yes" to be polite.
I have to end this section with one of my favorite videos about cultural difference. Chinese feel you are questioning their generosity if you clear your plate, whereas in England it”s impolite for the guest to leave food on their plate. This hilarious HSBC ad below cracks me up every time!
The Power of Silence:
In the Asian culture, people are totally comfortable with a minute or two of silence, while the Anglo-Saxon cultures are generally uncomfortable with more than a second of silence in conversations. In Mediterranean cultures, the contrast is even more stark. Italians, Turks, Greeks, Spaniard often talk over each other, interrupt and complete each other's sentences, talk together and make sure to fill every silence with words or loud laughter. While in the Asian culture, it shows respect and careful reflection to pause for a moment before responding, in the American culture it's seen as not being engaged, or not having the answer immediately, therefore not being knowledgable enough. In Asia, silence is golden. In the West, silence is awkward.
CULTURALLY DIVERSE BUSINESS
I have been a part of culturally diverse teams, had culturally diverse managers, reports, peers, partners, and clients. I've worked in different countries and regularly traveled to many for work. I’d like to think I have plenty of experience and cultural awareness, as well as a special interest and love for cultural diversity. And yet, I still get it wrong sometimes: there are things that shock me, confuse me, make me laugh. Here below I am sharing a few tactics and philosophies that have helped me and teams I have worked with enjoy the upside of diversity, when doing business internationally, as well as when leading and being a part of multi-cultural teams.
1. Talk about it openly: Recognizing what may otherwise become an elephant in the room is important. If you tell someone, "I’m Mediterranean so I tend to be a few minutes late sometimes, sorry"; "I am German, so punctuality is an important value for me"; "In my culture, it’s not a custom to ask about your teammate’s family, that’s why I was taken aback when you did, but I now understand it’s a nice custom"; "I give direct feedback, I don’t mean to be rude or to hurt you, but I don’t sugarcoat things," recognize your cultural tendencies, understand where the other people may be coming from, how the other way of doing things might actually also make sense, and where it might lead to conflict or confusion helps. Talking about cultural differences and preferences openly builds trust and awareness.
2. Celebrate diversity: In the modern workplace today, it’s common for leadership and individual contributors to be trained in DEI. I welcome and appreciate this. What, in my point of view, is even more important is to live it and celebrate it. Celebrating big festivals and important days of each other’s cultures within a team, getting the person who is from that culture to talk about what makes the day / the tradition special not only make us more well-rounded but also help build psychological safety. Cultural holidays or customs being celebrated (no need for anything fancy - e.g. we used to do easy and fun things like use the cultural holiday powerpoint theme for that special week's team meeting) serves as a basis for trust and recognition in a team so when there is a potential conflict situation, people have rapport and gravitas to be able to address it.
3. Flex, mirror and adapt: Applicable mostly to leaders of teams but also for individual contributors is the ability to flex, mirror, and adapt. While leaders should of course retain their own style and cultural preferences, (we are not asking them to be fake or change completely here) it also demonstrates adaptability, respect and care, if they try to tweak their style, where relevant. If you know your report communicates indirectly and does not respond well to direct feedback, when giving feedback, you might also paint a picture first, give examples, and ask them where they might see gaps and room for improvement, as opposed to telling them directly, "Your presentation skills need improvement".
4. Build a shared team / company culture: Research makes it increasingly clear that companies with more diverse workforces perform better financially. (More here in McKinsey Report titled, "Why Diversity Matters") That said, it’s also important to create a shared history, shared language and culture. What are the team’s / organization’s values? What is the shared vision and mission? When all else fails, teams can go back to the drawing board and feed off of their shared culture they have aligned on and built together.
5. Have a cultural directory: If doing business in or with a certain country / culture, it’s advised to read up on tips on what the culture values before. Not only does it help with not offending someone, but it also avoids most potentially awkward, uncomfortable moments. If you know that the Japanese value silence for example, you will not freak out and try to fill every silence with random words or nervous laughter. Having a cultural directory in the form of one-pagers, for example, as they apply to your specific company / business etc. can be handy to have.
6. Appoint ambassadors: Similar to the above point, if, for instance, you are about to have a meeting with a Korean client, it helps to a. bring along someone who is from or is familiar with that culture b. have that person train you on what to expect and how to approach the meeting. Once again, not only will this ensure you are not disrespecting your client / partner accidentally, but it will also prepare you for what to expect.
Connect with me at leadrisecoaching@gmail.com if you have any questions / comments / experiences you would like to share on diversity and doing business across cultures
#diversity #diverseworkplace #businessacrossborders #internationalbusiness #multiculturalteams #culture
コメント